As an empowerment expert and results catalyst, I’ve been coaching network marketers for a long time. Over the years I’ve observed and come to believe that there are four predominant personality stages which determine a lot about how successful someone will be in business... and in life!
These four stages can be visualized as four quadrants on a graph where the horizontal axis represents gradually increasing levels of self-acceptance from left to right, and the vertical axis represents gradually increasing levels of self-awareness from bottom to top. Thus, the four quadrants are as follows:
Before I go on to explain the attributes of each of these personality types, and their likelihood of success, it’s important to realize that nobody is exclusively in one category. We all move about from one to another from time to time, yet we all have a predominant place we reside—a place we spend most of our time and are most comfortable.
It should also be mentioned that this system is not like the DISC profile or other personality assessment tools, which suggest that all four quadrants are of equal value and that they merely represent different styles of relating to the world. In this system, there’s definitely one quadrant toward which we all want to aspire. The other three quadrants represent individual challenges we all need to overcome in order to migrate toward the most functional and resourceful category.
Understanding the Victim
Let’s take a look at the different categories and how they show up in business situations, starting with the bottom left quadrant. We often call those who display low self-awareness as well as low self-acceptance the VICTIM.
When you are in this category, you have little understanding of why you are being thwarted in your efforts to succeed, but you’re very clear that things seldom work out in your favor. You’re likely to live in an unfriendly world where people disappoint you and take advantage of you, and you’ve probably developed a lot of fear about taking action or trying to influence someone else’s decisions or behaviors. Your lack of self-acceptance means you sense that there’s something wrong with you, but your lack of self-awareness keeps you from knowing what it is. So, you continue to manifest situations in which you’re unwittingly blocked or perhaps even abused. You might feel like people are out to get you, or that people just don’t like you, but you don’t confront those people because you feel, at some level, that you deserve what you’re getting.
When you’re in this category, you’re unlikely to take consistent action in your business, because your tolerance for rejection is extremely low.
Recognizing the Bully
Those who often display low self-awareness, but high self-acceptance, are in a category we can broadly refer to as the BULLY. Since they feel such a high level of self-acceptance, these individuals are pretty sure that their problems are your fault. If they are thwarted, they believe it’s because others are stubborn, stupid, or insane. They seldom accept defeat and may pound away at a prospect in the hopes that he or she will finally relent. These people practice a “win-lose” method of salesmanship, and they’re highly motivated to be the winners at all costs. When they’re not getting desired results, they tend to resort to blaming, complaining, and even spreading rumors about others. Sometimes these people are very effective short-term at building a network, because they lack the self-awareness to understand the implications of their bullying, and because their high level of self-acceptance is perceived as confidence, which attracts those who lack it themselves. However, over time, these people begin to reveal themselves and their self-interested motives. They often end up leaving their business in order to go elsewhere and start again where people haven’t yet discovered their true nature.
Those in this category are hard to change, because they live inside a bubble of self-satisfaction, and they’re unlikely to accept responsibility for their part in whatever situation they’re in.
Identifying the Normal
In the upper left quadrant, those with high self-awareness but low self-acceptance, are in a category we call NORMAL. Granted, this is not really normal, but most of us fit into this category. If you’ve been studying personal growth and success philosophies, you might have come to see all the ways you fall short. You watch yourself critically, judgmentally, and harshly, condemning your fear, your insecurity, your pettiness, and all the other less than perfect ways you show up in the world.
Your awareness is high, so you’re constantly punishing yourself for what you find. What you lack is compassion for yourself; the ability to accept your shortcomings and to continue moving forward despite them. You don’t give yourself permission to be less than perfect, and the recognition of your imperfections often leads to self-loathing. Because you know all too intimately the ways you’re less than perfect, you experience yourself as dishonest for not letting others see the mess you believe yourself to be. So, you live with fear of discovery, a sense of guilt and shame, and the inability to take useful action for any consistent period of time.
When you’re successful, you may feel you don’t deserve it, and when you’re not, you berate yourself. So, it’s hard to find a place to stand, which often leads to mediocrity—one of the only levels of success your mind won’t reject.
Which leads us to the fourth quadrant: in the upper right hand corner, those with both high self-awareness and high self-acceptance are in a category we call MINDFUL. These individuals are clear, awake, and present to everything about themselves. They see their strengths as well as their weaknesses, and they don’t distinguish them from one another in terms of right and wrong. They accept themselves as awakening beings here to claim their birthright to consciousness, success, and happiness. They recognize their shortcomings as signposts for where they need work, and they bring compassion to the process of developing themselves.
When you’re in this category, you are relaxed. You don’t give off an abrasive vibe or telegraph any kind of neediness. People therefore feel comfortable in your presence. In this state, you know yourself well, which leads to a high level of self-trust. And, because you trust yourself, you are worthy of the trust of others. So, people are comfortable with you. They enjoy saying yes to you, but they’re not afraid to say no. They never feel coerced or pressured by you. Your presence makes them feel seen and heard, so they enjoy being in your company. They know that you see them and that you’d never do anything to violate them.
If you’re persistent in your sales effort, it’s only because you truly believe that what you’re offering is in their best interest, and you’re clear that your only job is to communicate fully until they understand what you’re sharing, so they can make an informed decision.
If you’re not living your life in a state of mindfulness most of the time, it’s important to make mindfulness practices a priority. Ultimately, in our lives, it’s our growth into higher consciousness that matters above all else. As the bible says, “What profited a man who gains the world, but loses his soul?” Let yourself move slowly and lovingly towards your highest level of consciousness, of soulfulness, and watch all the other benefits of success flow your way, effortlessly!
Dr. STEVE TAUBMAN helps business professionals transform their results by harnessing the power of the subconscious mind. His programs have received rave reviews for combining humor, energy, and practical tools to unleash optimal performance. His first book, UnHypnosis: How to Wake Up, Start Over, and Create the Life You’re Meant to Live became a #1 Amazon bestseller. Dr. Taubman speaks to direct selling groups, teaching people to reinvent themselves and incorporate powerful
transformational principles into their lives.