In traditional science, we arrive at the truth by proffering a hypothesis, then accumulating data to prove or disprove it. The data force the conclusion.
Reverse truths work the opposite: the hypothesis or belief creates the data. Our assumptions select what we perceive of the world and determine what meaning we attach to our perceptions. Believing is necessary in order to see.
Astute parents have known this principle for generations. The most vital reverse truth is our belief in our children: they look to us as a mirror of who they are, and they become what they see. If we trust and respect them, they become trustworthy and respect themselves.
Some parents have this reverse truth backwards, thinking that they will trust a child only after he or she has proven to be trustworthy. There are forward truths, but this isn’t one of them.
Our belief in our children is taken in by them and metabolized into their own belief in themselves. We convey to them an unspoken message, “I’ll believe in you until both of us can.” Children who have not yet assimilated this affirmation may spend their lives looking for outside approval to fill what’s missing inside.
Thomas Carlyle was right when he said, “Tell a man he is brave and you help him to become so.” As a parent, the trick is that you have to believe what you say, for feigned praise and inauthentic interest are forgeries immediately discernible to a child’s expert eye.
Reverse Truths in Coaching
A critical part of being a network marketing leader is to coach your downline partners to achieve higher levels of success and fulfillment.
What does a client want from a professional coach?
The obvious answers include: understanding human dynamics, strategic planning, playing a bigger game, a good return on investment, an accountability partner, and so on.
But for the coaching engagement to really make a difference for the client, it takes an additional element. If the client is the storyteller, the coach is the listener. Part of the experience of story-making is the feel, the safety, the trust and the ambience of connectedness, the resonance of voice as well as words with a knowing receiver. As Lily Tomlin said, “He listened with an intensity most people have only while talking.”
Here is what clients want from a professional coach:
Unselfconscious participation in the journey of work—and sometimes play;
Understanding of their metaphors as the symbolic language that expresses the hidden wisdom of the unconscious;
Empathic resonance with their feelings, without the coach taking anything personally.
The client needs the coach:
This architecture of trust silently forms while you talk about other things. The co-created new story gives oxygen to hope, brings relief and release of new experience and pushes creativity to full flight.
A strategically informed new experience includes the formulation of a new model in which to understand and incorporate those changes.
Reverse Truths in Network Marketing
Applied to network marketing, this reverse truth becomes: Believe in your downline partners and they will show you why you do.
Neuroscience has demonstrated that authentic belief in someone activates their brain to create a state of mind that transcends usual thinking and performance.
Here are the basic tenets of Coaching for the Network Marketer—a prime example of the reverse truth of believing in someone:
How much you believe in yourself will determine how much others believe in you. What you believe will show. How you are, and how you behave with others, shows most in how it affects others responding to you. What you believe will become true, because you will live it. You are always creating outside to match inside. Your experiences are consistent with your assumptions. It is vitally important to know your assumptions quite well, since you are always living them out; once in awareness, you can change the ones that don’t work, stick with and enhance the ones that do, and generate new beliefs designed for growth.
Ulysses S. Grant said all this much more succinctly: “I succeeded because you believed in me.”
DAVID KRUEGER, M.D. is CEO
of MentorPath and Founder of New
Life Story Coaches Training. He is
author, with John David Mann,
of The Secret Language of Money,
a business bestseller already
translated into nine languages.