The ultimate secret to balance, connection and peace of mind also happens to be the most important key to building trust instantly with everyone you touch. This, of course, is a huge piece of what makes network marketing work. Build trust, and you build your business.

This secret centers around a simple yet immeasurably profound principle called being fully present.

Perhaps the most powerful way to understand this principle of being present is to look clearly at what it is not.


Home But Not Home

Several years ago when I was the vice president of a large training company, I became painfully aware of what it means to not be present. At that time we were a family of three: my wife Carole, me, and our oldest daughter, Kelsey, who was then five years old. Our second child, Jenna, had not yet been born.

Driven by an unrelenting, nearly suffocating feeling of overwhelm, I had fallen into the habit of reaching the office by 5:00 a.m. and not returning home until well after 6:00 in the evening. Many weekends I was away, teaching seminars around the country. Not once did I see my daughter get ready for kindergarten. Not once did I surprise her by picking her up from school to spend some special, unexpected moments together. I mistakenly convinced myself that I didn’t have time. I had to be at the office first and put more hours in than anyone else. After all, I was driving myself for my family, wasn’t I?

Every night I would trudge wearily through the door at 6:30 or a quarter to seven. The instant I appeared in the house, Kelsey would run to me, throw her arms around me and tell me how much she loved and missed me as she looked into my eyes with pure joy. Then she would begin to tell me all about the wonderful things that had happened to her all that day—special, magical things, the things that happen only when you are five years old.

And I missed it.

I didn’t hear a word she said.

When I walked in that door, my body showed up—but, my mind, heart and spirit were still back at the office. The most important people in my life were right here, right in front of me, waiting for me…and I never really saw them or heard them when they most needed me—because I was not present.

This went on for months. Then one morning as I drove into work, I suddenly woke up.



I realized what my lack of presence was communicating to my wife and child, and in that single excruciating moment, I felt as if someone had just bashed me full force in the stomach with a sledge hammer.

Emerson once said, “What you do screams so loudly I can’t hear a word you’re saying.” Nothing screams so loudly as our presence—or our lack of presence.

Every evening, as I marched blankly through my front door, my thoughts still focused on the events of the day or worrying about the next, I had been telling Carole and Kelsey that they were not as important as the events at my office. I’d been telling them far more clearly than if I’d said it in words.

As I continued driving, all I could see in my mind was Kelsey’s shining eyes, so filled with love. I was overcome with suffocating feelings of remorse and loss. Sobbing uncontrollably, I finally recognized how many precious moments of connection I had lost with her and with Carole by not being present. In that instant I understood for the first time that there was nothing more important to me than becoming a master of being fully present for those I love.

It was time to make the choice to come home—to be home.


The Greatest Gift

By being present we let others know at a heart level how important they truly are. As parents, friends, professionals and caring human beings, this is the greatest opportunity we have.

When others feel important, they begin to live up to their potential. Our presence breathes faith, belief, and positive expectation into their souls. Without this presence, we cannot truly give.

Like becoming a true network marketing professional, being present is not something you can fake. It is not a technique. It is a decision.

Do you know whether or not someone is actually fully with you in mind, body, and spirit? When I ask the participants in my seminars this question, they reply with an immediate and emphatic “Yes!”

Can you tell even over the phone? Once again the answer is clear. We all have a definite sense as to whether or not the person on the other end of the line is right here with us, giving us his full concentration—or drifting away and not truly connected.

When we make the conscious and consistent decision to be fully present to the very best of our ability, we open up the possibility to make that difference for which we were put on this earth—and at the same time, we open ourselves to more joy than we’ve ever imagined.


BRIAN BIRO is a father, husband and coach.
He is author of
Beyond Success and Through the Eyes of a Coach.
He was the subject of the lead story in our April 2004 issue.