I recently had the following exchange with a reader of my weekly email newsletter, "Winning Without Intimidation." I've changed her name, made her company generic, and edited slightly for length and clarity; otherwise, it's a pretty faithful transcript of what we both said. --BB


Julie: Bob, I still have a long way to go to succeed in winning without intimidation. Actually, I don't intimidate... but I don't win, either. One of my major problems is jealousy. There's an up-and-coming girl in our group (not in my downline), and I am so jealous of her.

Bob: Acknowledging the problem is an excellent first step. Is there any way you can take the next step, which is to work on your feelings?

Julie: Well, I wrote to you.

Bob: Yes, and I'm so glad. And by the way, that kind of professional jealousy is completely natural; I've gone through it myself, many times. But there's no valid reason to be jealous; the fact that someone else has something takes nothing away from you. In fact, universal law states that the more appreciative you are of another person's success, the more of the same will come to you.

Julie: You say it takes nothing away from me--but we live in a small area.

Bob: Doesn't matter. Think creatively, not competitively. Trust me: your area is big enough for both of you.

Julie: What she's doing is signing up people who are doing something. I'm good at finding duds. Our company lets people order first and pay later; I get a lot of people who order first and pay never.

Bob: This has nothing to do with her; believe it or not, it also has nothing to do with the people you're signing up. It has to do with you. You've bought into a belief system that says you are good at finding duds. I'll bet she has also signed up her share of duds; everyone does. Most likely, she just doesn't pay as much attention to them. Instead, she simply looks for more people to sponsor--and some of them become people who do something. The same will happen for you.

Julie: I hope so. I want so badly to succeed. I've been working on it 24/7 for months and months; she started only two months ago and already has two unit leaders.

Bob: That's her; it has nothing to do with you.

Julie: But I haven't managed to get even one unit leader yet. I've driven people around, paid bills for them, helped them in every way imaginable.

Bob: Okay, we've just located one major problem. Perhaps two. One is that you are aligning yourself with people who are not ready to help themselves. Two, you can't want something for someone more than he wants it for himself. You pay their bills for them; why should they do anything? Remember the Chinese proverb: "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."

Julie: At a meeting yesterday, our division manager told me that if I have enough determination, I'll get there. How can I be more determined than I am right now?

Bob: Determination is important, but it's not everything. You can be as determined as you want as you try to break through a brick wall using your forehead, but all you'll end up with is a huge headache. It's just as important to do things in a certain way that will make you successful. I'm going to recommend two books: The Science of Getting Rich, by Wallace D. Wattles, and Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting, by Lynn Grabhorn. Follow the instructions in these two books, and it will change your life.

Julie: Thanks; got a question for you. Do you think I should keep trying with Company A, or build Company B up...or try Company C?

Bob: I don't understand. Are you trying to build more than one business at a time?

Julie: I have been working only on Company A since December, but I still belong to Company B, and their leadership is easier. But Company C sells better. I'm wondering whether I should keep working on Company A, or go to Company B. And this girl who sells Company B also sells Company C, and she thinks I'd do better with that.

Bob: It seems to me it would be difficult to build two different network marketing businesses simultaneously. I'm sure some people do it, but I doubt many do it successfully. If you're trying to build an organization in one business and those in that organization know you're doing another, they're going to feel your commitment isn't there. And if the leader's commitment isn't there, then the other people's commitment won't be there, either. I would think you'd do best to devote yourself entirely to building one or the other.

Julie: I agree, I guess. I'm just feeling very down about the whole thing.

Bob: That's why it is an absolute must that you go to the bookstore this morning and purchase Grabhorn's book, Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting. She will explain exactly what is happening with you and why. Go straight through that book once to get the overall idea, then go back and read it in detail.

Julie: Okay, I will...thanks for your help. I already feel better today than I did yesterday. I made myself attend a business gathering and met some nice people.

Bob: That's awesome, Julie. Action is the first step in changing your feelings. Positive action results in positive feelings. Most people think it's the other way around: they wait until they feel good to begin taking action. Of course, since nothing happens, they never take action--and end up feeling even worse because they're still not taking action! You're on your way to huge success, my friend!


BOB BURG is author of Endless Referrals, Winning Without Intimidation and the just-released booklet, The Success Formula: Three Timeless Principles That Will Turbocharge Your Success and Dramatically Improve Your Life.