Do you find yourself “selling” a prospect on the value of your product or service? Do you anxiously await a positive outcome? Does the outcome influence your “selling technique”?

Did you know that this belief of “needing to sell” and the inner story you tell yourself about it have a negative impact on the whole experience? When you try to convince another person to join you, then he or she feels a sense of pressure. The pressure occurs at an energy level; it is a tangible feeling that can sabotage the most well-prepared presentation.

Everyone knows that people are often turned off by “pushy” salespeople who try to manipulate them into participating or buying something. What people don’t realize is that this happens even when the sense of pressure is so subtle you are barely aware of it. Even if things seem polite and easy on the surface, if you’re internally pushing on yourself to “sell” the person, they feel it. The result? They don’t want to deal with you now—and they won’t deal with you in the future.

And here’s the crucial thing about this: it’s not your behavior that’s creating the sabotage: it’s your beliefs.

People Feel Your Beliefs

Think of beliefs as energy patterns. These energy patterns can sabotage or enhance your sales efforts. Higher-frequency energy patterns help the process; lower-frequency patterns are the saboteurs.

Whatever you focus on is what you will attract to yourself. This is simply the law of attraction. It’s not the law’s fault if you are focusing on not having enough customers, or thinking, “What if Joe Bloggs doesn’t sign up? I need the money!” These are low-frequency thoughts—and what you focus on, you will attract.

What you need to be saying to yourself—and saying often—are things like, “Joe Bloggs is delighted with my business concept and is eager to sign up with me.” Remember that if Bloggs doesn’t sign up today, it truly doesn’t matter. Keeping your thoughts in the higher frequency range will ensure that you do attract customers, even if Bloggs isn’t one of them. (This is another reason why you can safely detach yourself from the outcome.)

Set your energy level (your beliefs) before you meet with a prospect. Sounds simple, right? But how do you do that? Here’s a shortcut:

Don’t think sell—think serve!

Sell Versus Serving

Serving is sharing. Selling is pushing. Serving is offering your assistance. Selling is manipulating in order to fulfill your own agenda. (How selfish!)

Instead of “marketing,” think of this activity as business growth time or opportunity time. Your job is to serve your customer, not sell him.

Every experience is a vibrational experience. When you interact with someone, the intention you have makes a radical difference in the kind of experience you both have. If you are focused on how you can sell the potential client something, you will be vibrating at a lower level and will be a match to lower-level energies in the other person.

You want to connect with your potential client on the same level. Rid your mind of ideas such as, “How can I get this person to join up?” or, “How can I get this person to buy?” Instead, think, “How can I best serve this person?”

Relax, and remind yourself, it’s not important whether or not they join up or buy now. If you offer service in an unpushy manner, they will remember you that way—and when they are ready, they will contact you. By all means, stay in touch with them, but remember that it is to see if they would be interested in hearing about your new product or service, or to offer ways to serve their needs. It’s all in your approach and mindset. Coming from this attitude, you automatically come across as less pushy and less aggressive, and your prospects won’t be afraid to talk to you.

Ask your potential customers questions about what is wrong with whatever area you have the answer for; get them to describe it and then explain how your product or service can help them—but don’t sell them on this. Remember, you are simply explaining some helpful solutions to a friend; you have no personal stake in the outcome. Don’t stress about whether it will lead to a sale just now. They may need to go away and think about this conversation for a bit. Since you’ve been such a delight to talk with and didn’t pressure them, they’ll feel comfortable about contacting you in the future to find out more. Chances are, they’ll even be happy to talk about you to their friends. Such word-of-mouth referrals build wonderful client databases!

Selling represents the idea of closing the sale regardless—a one-sided situation where you concentrate on yourself selling. It’s all about you, and you are very much attached to the outcome. Your energy is in the low range; you will attract the same.

Serving, on the other hand, represents the idea of serving the highest good for both yourself and your potential customer. It involves what’s good for the client, as well as what’s good for yourself. “What’s in it for me” is often foremost in any client’s mind, and if you can match this energy, the two of you will click: mutual success! Your energy is in the higher range and you will attract the same!

Terri Levine ( is president of Comprehensive Coaching U, a certified personal and business coach, and author of Work Yourself Happy and Coaching for an Extraordinary Life.